i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
