I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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