dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we're making bets on your personal life
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
