i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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