Just fell off a train. Bad.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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