I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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