I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
PANTIES FOUND
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
