I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
