Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
