Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
