Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i think i have herpe
just one?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
