Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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