i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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