There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
as a side note pls kill me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
