one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
and you fell through a lawn chair
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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