I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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