just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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