it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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