she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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