I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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