You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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