How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
