You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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