grandma shit on top of the toilet
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
