dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
