dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
