Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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