can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
