I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
