At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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