I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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