Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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