Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
