Christians are straight up FREAKS
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
