just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
