I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
