So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
either way he was missing a nipple.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
