I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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