Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you inspire me to be a worse person
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
