jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
