So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
