My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
