Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
