3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
