i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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