I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
