You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
