? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
