I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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