I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
