i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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