It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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