Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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