Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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